If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
