You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
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