There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
