I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
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