We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
