Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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