He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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