just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
