its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
