I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Randomize
