hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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