"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
