Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
