Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
