yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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