let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
