I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
