so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
