His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
