I wannas sexs uuuuu
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
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