Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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