I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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