I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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