i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Randomize
