Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
