The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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