I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
