Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
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