i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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