he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Randomize
