the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
