I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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