I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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