I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
