Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
