Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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