Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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