I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
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