I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I need a burrito and a hug.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
