Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
