You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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