thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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