I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
