There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
