i just wanna soil my oats bro
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
