You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
