she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
