I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
