He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
