I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
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All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
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