i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
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