Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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