rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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