bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
