I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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