I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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