dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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