i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Randomize
