life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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