Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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