I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
