apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
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