He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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