My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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