so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
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