if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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