dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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