Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
