Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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