why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
