i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
