I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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