I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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