OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
