Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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