Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize