I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Randomize
