dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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