if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
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