in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
