He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Vodka?
Forever.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
