he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
