So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Randomize
